first day

although the first day of kindergarten was some time ago, way back in august, i think this is one story worth telling.

usually, when we see pictures of the first day of pre-school, kindergarten, first grade, middle school, high school, college, and the first day of the rest of our lives, the subjects are smiling. there is an aura around them, excitment, suspense, knowing there are going to be new adventures, new friends, the smell of new books, new paper and pens, new teachers, and sometimes new classmates.

our first day was anything but that.

she was nervous.

here in switzerland, the first day of kindergarten is just 2 hours in the afternoon. so when my darling daughter woke up at 5:30 am, i knew it was going to be a long day.

she woke up, looked at me with big eyes and asked: 'mom, am i going to kindergarten today?'
i told her, 'yeah! are you excited to go?'
she said, 'of course mom!'

such a sassy young lady.

and then she ran to the toilet and threw up.

finn followed her in, stroked her back and blubbered something in a language only he understood at the time. he looked after his sister the way i hope they'll look after each other in 15 years time when either, or both, will be too drunk to walk.

this went on for quite a while. the last time she threw up was around 12:30pm, an hour before the bus would have come to pick her up. i was still asking myself if it was just nerves or if she was really sick when she started eating lunch with gusto, and keeping it down.

will she always be like this? will she be throwing up every time she has a test, an interview or even a date?

oh help.

we got that cute 'first day' picture right before she left with her dad:

the day my daughter didn't come home from school

[ this title sounds a lot more tragic than it was, in hindsight of course. ]

let me try to describe my daughter to you; she's full of energy 100% of the time, she's stubborn like her mom, she has a mind her own, she loves annoying her brother, she gets up between 5 and 6 am abd there's never a dull moment when she's awake - which comes to about 14 hours a day. i've had my hands full since she was able to walk... at 11 months.

she started her first year of kindergaten (they have to go 2 years here in switzerland) in august and the kids are required to walk to school by themselves; mind, she's 4 years old. so she walks to school, gets on a bus that takes her to another town (because there are so many kids in our town that she has to go to another kindergarten), the bus drops her off right in front of the kindergarten, then she has to do the same shenanigans coming home again.

on monday, a 'friend' of hers (i put friend in parenthesis because amelie keeps telling me she doesn't like her) decided to go to the supermarket after school, then go to the big playground together - without telling anyone. at such a young age, the don't understand the worry they cause when they just disappear like that, obviously.

i was at home, making lunch, minding my own business and not looking at the clock, when amelie's friends mom calls and asks if amelie's home yet. i look at the clock and oH SHIT! she should have been home half an hour ago. you know the feeling where you feel like someone is grabbing your insides and squeezing? yeah, that happened.

there have been stories going around lately about weird people hanging out in the woods close to our neighborhood, so of course i do the worst thing possible and imagine the worst thing that could possibly happen..

i call the kindergarten (maybe there's a delay?), no one answers.

i call the bus driver, he nonchalantly says: 'i dropped them all off, i have no idea where they could have gone.' THANKS!

the friends mom calls again: 'i'm walking around on the other side of town looking for them. have they come home yet?'
'no, not yet.'
'i'm starting to get worried.. oh wait! is that amelie's coat? i think i see her coat on the big slide at the playground,'

pause

'yeah, that's them! oh, they're in so much trouble!!!!'

*insert huge sigh of release from everyone involved*


needless to say, i grounded my 4 year old, we're walking them to the bus and picking them up from the bus again and amelie is upset because she can't go on playdates for a while.

i hope she learned her lesson, i seriously hope so.

quick question?

What to do about neighbors that complain about a 21-month old?

 I mean, seriously; what do you want me to do, take out the batteries? It's not that simple lady. There are obviously better days and worse days, days where I wish I COULD take out some batteries, if only just for an hour so that I can iron, or fold laundry, or just have some peace and quiet. Although, let's be honest, peace and quiet was over the moment Amelie was born, almost 5 years ago.

And then there are moments like this...

Moments of pure happiness and joy, where I can't imagine wanting even 5 minutes to myself.

quick thought;

Am I the only mom that gives her kids Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice ceam but fishes out the cookie dough pieces for herself? 

 Sometimes I feel bad, and stupidly selfish; other times I tell myself they can't miss something they don't even know exists.. #badmom

Product Review : : H&M Velvet Lip Cream in Screen Siren

I'll be the first to admit that I love H&M. It's usually my first choice when I need basics, and for some reason, I ALWAYS find something.

There's a new H&M in Langenthal, near where I live here in Switzerland, and I noticed that they brought back their make-up line. There used to be make-up in H&M when it was still called Hennes & Mauritz but that disappeared when the stores started using the H&M logo.

I decided to try a few products, wondering if the quality of the products has increased, or decreased.

I'll admit, I love a bold red lip. Paired with the right look, a red lip is absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to try something new, so I bought the Screen Siren red, hoping that it would help liven up my otherwise rather bland face. It's a beautiful red wine color, reminding me of velvet, literally.

Little did I know, once the product is on, there is NO altering it, and almost no way to get it off. If you don't have make up remover with you, that it. It dries within seconds, and any attempt at trying to fix it only results in flakes and an uneven lip color.

I was wondering, am I the one doing something wrong? Is there any way to make the lip color better better applicable? I love the color, but there is on way I can keep using it in it's current form. I know it's supossed to be matte, but it's crazy uncomfortable like this...

new york, new york

oh how i love new york. whether it's spring, summer, autumn or winter, there is something in every season that i love. or is there?

i recently experienced a rather heavy snow storm while in the area and i have to say, the day after jonas said hello, the city was a mess.

sure,  the streets were being cleared and the efforts immensely helpful... for the most part.

but then again, where would they put all the excess snow?? 

how was it, at home?

yes, we just got back.

I finally got to go home again.

Well, what's home anyways? 'Home is where the heart is', 'home is where you are', 'home is where you poop most comfortably', or 'home is where the wi-fi connects automatically'? Everyone has a different definition of what, or where, home is.

waiting, waiting, waiting...

Many people have asked where I feel more at home, in the US or in Switzerland. What a hard question to answer. There is no country, no place, where I feel most at home. I feel comfortable both in the US and in Switzerland... is that weird?

The kids and I traveled 'home' to New Jersey on January 11th. It's so wonderful to be able to be in a familiar setting, showing my kids where I grew up; having them play with the same toys I played with when I was young.

We finally got to meet the familys littlest, Jackson. What a wonderful little man he is. He's like a little ray of sunshine, considering  he's from California, that comes easy. His eyes are big, taking everything in, looking around in interest. I'm not sure how fond he was of the touching and stroking from his two bigger cousins, but he took it like a champ and survived without a scratch.

Amelie loved being at my parents'. I told her once to be nice, that we're guests. She told me: "No mom, I'm at home here." I know my mother loved hearing that. Her and Jenna, the dachshund, became kinda-sorta friends. I think Jenna started avoiding her when Amelie decided that Jenna needed to be on a leash all the time... understandable, of course. We had the pleasure of heading to the Liberty Science Center with the kids while we were home. At the time, they had a Titanic: The Artifact exhibit.

 Poor girl had no idea why she had to stand there, with a little fan blowing wind in her hair. One day, one day she'll understand. She definitely enjoyed all the animals and activities there that are geared towards children. It's worth a visit, if you're ever in the area.

And then, there's just something about reading a book with Grandpa...

Finn, well Finn just loves it wherever we go. He feels right at home. For him, it's the little big things like helping dad make a fire, swinging on a swing set, bath time or roaming around outside during the snowstorm. As long as there is some kind of routine, he's good to go.

 He was a bit thrown off at the Liberty Science Center. There was so much going on that, I think, he was a bit overwhelmed. He wouldn't admit it, of course.

We've got this 'I don't want to eat my veggies' thing going on with him..  simplest solution for a little while? Plum organics. Sure, it's food for babies, but at least he's getting SOME veggies in. Fruits have never been a problem, but the veggies. He likes them, and I'm officially admitting to not being a perfect mom. Then again, who is?

During our time 'home', we also got the great pleasure of experiencing storm Jonas. For what felt like forever, it snowed. And snowed. And snowed. Amelie was outside most of the time. Relentless in her love for the snow and the cold. I almost had to force her to come in for lunch. When dad decided to go shovel the driveway, again, she was on his heels heading out, one step behind him. I remember being glad to come back in from the cold... not Amelie. She's our little snowman.

She also got to go skiing again. Vanessa and dad took her to Campgaw Mountain for a bit of fun. After the storm there was enough snow, and enough people..

Soon after that, we headed back 'home' to Switzerland. It always amazes me how fast two weeks can pass. Between seeing friends and family again, it's the fast, or slow, passing of time that shows me that no matter where I call home, I have to enjoy every moment I spend with the people I love.

important phone call

so much love can become frustrating..

jonas

i love you so much, until next time, seeesters.